The phrase – “the grass is always greener on the other side” is applicable when someone is so displeased with their life and with themselves. Often when someone is in that situation they will look to another person they think has it all, or at least appears to live life better then themselves.

Which leads into another method of a coping strategy called IDENTIFICATION. Identification is assuming the qualities of someone that you admire. Let’s say you admire your colleague at work. You may start to dress as they do, talk (using their phrases) as they do, and act like they do. If the person you are identifying with is a positive role model in your life then this is great and continue utilizing identification – it can take you far up the ladder, give you answers to how to deal with difficult situations, and make work life easier. Just make certain not to loose yourself, take on the part of their identity that works for you, turn them into who YOU are.

However, sometimes the identified one is not such a positive role model. Your colleague could be doing well and very successful for conducting business in “not so business” like manners. Should you conduct business as such, you might have temporary gains – but long term harsh consequences, and a very unhappy working environment. The same can be applicable in a family situation. Another family seems so happy, and loving. You start to take on some of their characteristics: belong to the groups they do, involved in the activities they are, act as they do… only to find out in the end that behind closed doors it is just an “act” and they are struggling to keep the family together.

The best thing for anyone to do is to decide how you want to be IDENTIFIED as. What qualities do you want to aspire to in the work place or in your home environment. Write out a plan that you feel will lead you to such an accomplished goal. Continually ask yourself how your actions, words, and thoughts are helping you to accomplish this goal. Be that person that others want to be identified with. Once you ascertain that others may be identifying with you, tell them how to build up their own identity.

……more coping skills to come.